When you’re dating during the spring and summer, if you’re lucky, you’ll find yourself in the great outdoors at some point. Even if roughing it means a cottage with a deck and boathouse rather than a tent on a backpacking trail, you will likely find many romantic moments as you enjoy the invigorating lift that being out in the country gives you. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are natural sexual invigorators – getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. The nights will also add their share of enjoyment as you sneak down to the water to skinny-dip under the full moon and the wash of stars in the milky-way. Invariably, at some point, the entire concept of outdoors sex will just happen. Sex can be a great thing of course, but there are some cautions that you should take before setting out on such sexual adventures.
Problem: Sex in a Dirty Environment
You have to remember that when you’re camping, you’re going to get dirty. All those nature hikes and long walks will cover you in dirt. When you start a fire, you’re going to get covered in ash and grime (at least if you do it like I do). Barbeques will inherently get some sauces and juices on you. And then there are the layers of bug spray and sun block you have on your skin. All together, you’re pretty damn gross by the time you head back to your tent for some “private” times. No woman wants to give oral sex to a gross, dirty penis. And no guy enjoys fondling a boob covered in slimy grime. The thrill will fade quickly.
Solution: Wash As Much As Possible
There are ways around this pitfall, of course. In many national parks, or even state level parks, there are usually shower facilities. Of course this does not help you if you are on an overnight trip on a backpacking trail and miles away from a shower. Go during off-peak hours when you’ll have some privacy – waiting until all the kids in the park are in bed is the perfect time to go. Sneak in there together, and get dirty after you’ve got clean. An added bonus is that the sound of the shower will mask most modest sex noises, and will provide easy clean-up when you’ve finished. Be prepared for some quizzical and accusing looks if there are people waiting for the shower when the two of you exit. Odds are you’ll still be in post-coital bliss, so you won’t mind much.
Tents are just not good at blocking sound. When you have sex at night, especially if one of you is a screamer, be prepared for anything from amusing looks or accusing looks from the campsites around you. In the worst case you may get a visit from the park authorities (and hopefully not in the middle of the act).
Solution: The Long, Long, Long, Nature Hike
This one works like a charm, as long as you remember some basic safety tips. First, watch out for wildlife – especially lions and tigers and bears – OH MY! – just kidding, but there are some animals that you have to consider depending on your region. Many areas have bears, but in the mountain regions, there are some cats that may cause concern. Most other meat eaters tend to shy away from people, but if you are in the deep south, you can run into reptiles that are not so pleasant. Nothing dampens the libido more than running for your life. Second, do not go at night for a sex hike. It is too easy to get lost, or stumble and hurt yourself. Better to go in daylight and pick a seldom-used trail. Third, bring a blanket. That way, if you accidentally lay down for the hot times on a fire-ant hill, they’ll have a difficult time getting revenge on you while you’re in the middle of you’re sex. Tell other people in your campsite where you will be. That way, if you deplete all your bodily fluids during the coitus and can’t make it back, they can send the rangers out to look for you. Just pull up your shorts before they rescue you, for appearances sake.
Enjoy the Ride!
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