Nobody has had more bad luck with blind dates than me. My first blind date was a real winner. She seemed like a nice, shy girl at first. Once she got a bit more comfortable around me she would just not stop talking. At some point during her one way discourse, she started to talk about her kidney problems. Apparently she had recurring kidney stone issues. I sat there with a look of disbelief on my face which she misinterpreted as interest. Unintentionally I muttered out loud, “I don't believe this”. So she said, “You think I am making this up? Well check this out then!”. She fished in her handbag and came up with a small prescription bottle. She unceremoniously opened it and spilled the contents onto the table. To my horror there they were staring at me! Three large kidney stones. Her obsession required that she carry them with her all the time! I have heard of weird keepsakes, but this was just too much for me.
After dinner, she went to the ladies room while I waited at the table. I began to get worried after about 25 minutes and asked the waitress if she would check on her. The waitress went into the washroom and immediately came running out shouting for someone to call the ambulance. I ran in to see if there was anything I could do to help and noticed vomit all over the floor. Seems she was a binge and purge artist and is now being treated for bulimia nervosa. I had not really noticed a problem. She had seemed a bit wan and skinny, but I just thought that maybe she had been sick lately. I would imagine that there may be a lot of people with mental disorders walking around and we just do not see it. I guess most of us just assume that everyone that we meet is normal until they do something weird.
I had a few more blind dates. Most of them had some interesting personality quirks, which is likely why they were not attached to anyone. There was miss metalica who wore tons of piercings, miss bubbly who saw the world through rose colored glasses, the body canvas girl who thought that her skin was a canvas for a series of tattoo artists to adorn, and the bride of Frankenstein who was all deced out in black with white and black makeup. Since I have seen all of them dating other guys since, I have just put them all down to basic incompatibilities.
My very last blind date was really a humdinger. A friend of mine (or should I say ex friend) gave her my email address and told me she was really hot (ya she was hot alright). Anyway we chatted through email and spoke on the phone several times, she sounded very sexy and cool so I could hardly wait to meet her. She gave me every reason to believe that she had the hots for me as much as I did her. We decided to meet at a Red Lobster because she had a penchant for sea food and I did not have any objections. I arrived first and was sweating with nervousness about meeting this hot sexy chick. I saw an old Toyota Tercel pull into the parking lot with the front driver side riding low. I remember thinking that the front spring in the car must be broken. It parked and the door opened, and out stepped (well stepped is a bad word for the series of motions it took her to extract herself from the vehicle) my date. OUCH!
It seemed my hot sexy chick was more like 350 pounds of pure fat! She had totally set me up! She said she was slender. When I saw her jiggling across the parking lot, I thought she looked like an elephant, but then quickly changed my mind. Elephants are so much more graceful.
I may be sounding like 'Shallow Hal' in that movie of the same name, but I like to think I am a gentleman. So I composed myself and decided to stick out my commitment to have supper together. To that end, I met her with a smile on my face. The waiter brought her to my table and we ordered our drinks and food. When our food orders came to the table her stomach was so big she couldn't reach her plate. To get past that, she literally put the edge of the table onto her belly of all things, and I almost ended up with my drink in my lap in the process. I forgot my hunger and just stared at her as she proceeded to wolf down her dinner. She asked me if I minded if she nibbled off of my plate because she was still a bit hungry. When I nodded assent, she just grabbed my plate, put it in front of her and proceeded to make short work of it as well On top of this, she ordered and ate three different deserts, all the time remarking at how she thought that desert was the best part of any meal. I paid the bill said good bye and got the hell out of there. I stopped by a McDonald’s on the way home for a burger and onion rings because I was still hungry and it was all I could afford. I just ordered. After this evening's spectacle, I could not face super-sizing it like I usually do. She texted me and said she had a lovely time and really enjoyed my company and asked when we would get together again. Deciding that a lie was the best course after all the BS that she had put me through, I told her that my company had informed me that I was being transferred at the end of the week to work on an out of country project of indeterminate length.
I have wised up since then. No more blind dates set up by friends for me.
From now on I'm sticking to online dating sites that I know I can trust. Needless to say, my BS radar is much improved so I have almost never been disappointed, and never as much as any of my 'blind dates' of the past.
Here is where I found the top dating personals sites to join:
best online dating sites
Tags: Blind Date Disasters, no more blind dates for me, blind dates suck