There are many firsts in a longer term relationship that you need to be ready for. Here are a few of the biggest hurdles and what you can do to handle the situation.
Upchucking For The First Time
In the normal course of any relationship, eventually your partner is going to end up drinking too much and vomiting. It has happened to everyone. If your date is getting sick, the best thing to do is give them a bucket, space, a glass of water and a washcloth. They’re going to want to rinse and wash up after their ordeal. Unless they have long hair, in which case, you can hold the hair back so it doesn’t get regurgitated nachos in it. Offer them your toothbrush if they don’t already have one at your place. You can buy a new one in the morning. This is not the most pleasant first, but if you know it is coming you can at least buy a few things to make it easier to get past.
First Flatulence in Bed
This can be a very delicate moment. If you are not the culprit, then try to not make anything big about it. Treat it like no big deal. Just remember that if they feel comfortable enough to pass wind around you, then they are getting a lot more comfortable with the entire relationship as well. If the stink is overpowering, or if you suspect it might be, then just leave the room for a 'drink of water', while you are at it, take a pee. All of this will allow more time to pass so that the after effects are better dissipated. If you are the guilty party, then just politely beg pardon and let it go at that. They will draw their own conclusions as to any extenuating circumstances for such a gale force wind. Resist any temptation to push your partner’s head under the covers like you did to your little brother back when you were kids. Open a window if it’s really bad.
First Sonic Sender
Once the first anal blast slips out, it is only a matter of time before you pass gas with gusto. So in this situation, not only do you let out the fart, but you do it loudly. Sometimes this is referred to as a showmanship fart. This is a big sign of intimacy (and immaturity). If it is your partner who did it, then responding with a grin and even clapping would likely be well received. If it’s your fart, take a look at your partner’s face to see what you should do. If they look horrified, apologize and wait another six months to try again. If they laugh, take a bow.
First Pee While Showering
Unless you are fortunate enough to have digs with two bathrooms, it is inevitable that someone is going to have to use the toilet while the other person is still showering. If it’s your partner in the shower and you are in desperate need of using the toilet, simply announce your presence as you enter the bathroom and explain what is going on. Make sure that you tell them that you will not flush until they are finished. PUT THE LID DOWN WHEN YOU ARE DONE. If you are the one in the shower, then make sure that you remind them not to flush. Just be prepared in case they do. Habits are hard to break on short notice. Make the best of it and invite them to join you. Nothing like a mutual showering and lathering to get the juices flowing.
A Mouthful Of Morning Breath
This is a take the bad with the good situation. Looking at the positive side of things, you and your partner spent the night together. The sex was amazing, and you both wake up smiling at the memory. At this point you are thinking that your "Kama Sutra For Dummies" book was the best investment that you have ever made. They plant a big kiss on you to say “good morning”. Unfortunately their breath smells like they ate a skunk’s anus for a midnight snack. Immediately your first reflexive reaction would be to pull away quickly. Get control of yourself quickly! Instead, say something sweet and sexy. Likely you have dragon breath as well, so you have to be fair about it. Get up and brush your teeth. Make them a peppermint tea. Have an extra toothbrush ready for them. If you are a real pro, you will keep a container of mints on the night table, or dresser beside the bed. Once your breath smells delightful again, time to hit the sheets for some other kinds of delight.
Breaking Into The Circle Of Friends
The first time you go out and meet a bunch of your partner’s friends can be overwhelming. They’ll all be judging you. Many will be friendly, some will be indifferent, and a small few will be nasty. A few of them will likely still be friendly with your partner's ex. In fact, they may even be rooting for them to pick things back up again. Needless to say, you are in the way of that objective, so they will be looking for ways to pull you apart. Some of them will be secretly interested in your partner, and want you out of the picture altogether. If you are lucky, some of them may even lust after you. You would be truly blessed if you are at least an average looking man and they are MILF.
You have to behave like a Shito priest. Regardless of the provocation, you must be in control of your emotions and serene. Find the ones who are the most friendly, and spend most of your time with those people. Make jokes and act intelligently. Give your partner a couple of very public shows of affection to subtly mark your territory. Don’t get too drunk – otherwise you may be tempted to retaliate against their hostility and blow the whole evening. Remember! Cool, Calm and Collected.
The Ex Factor
The first time you and your date are out in public and you run into their ex, it can be a tricky moment. This is especially so if your partner dumped them and they still have feelings for your partner. The first thing to do is determine the general demeanor of the ex. They can be buddy buddy, or they can be somewhat antagonistic. If they’re friendly, then you be friendly. Offer your hand in friendship. Let your date and their ex have a few minutes of small talk. If there is hostility or anger, never escalate. In this situation the best response is a tactful withdrawal. Nothing will be gained by confrontation. Calmly suggest to your partner that you both should leave, and then do so. Take them someplace where you can talk to them easily. Likely they will need to vent a bit after such a confrontation. Taking the high road is always the way to go. Of course, once the Ex is out of earshot, depending on the mood of your partner, feel free to dis them. Not too much though. After all, dissing the Ex too much is telling the partner that they have bad taste. That does not reflect well on you. So keep it light and humorous. What they were wearing that night is a better target than slamming their personality or brains.
The rules of engagement (excuse the pun) are pretty much the same if it happens to be your own Ex that you bump into. If your current beau sees that you have maintained a decent relationship with your Ex, that will count in your favor. A person that maintains friendships with their ex is always held in high regard. If it turns out that your Ex is a bit of a nutcase, and / or hostile, then politely bug out. You do not want them blabbing about a bunch of stuff best left forgotten.
Eating Crackers In The Sack
This is not really that big an issue and your partner will likely join in with a little cajoling. If "Crackers" is your dog, then the relationship is pooched!.
The First Time You Are Found In Bed With Genital Grease And A Goose
Guess what! You are no longer in a relationship! On top of this you will likely be arrested, and likely sentenced to the funny farm.
The First Time You Are Caught Lip Locked With Your Ex
If your Ex and your current partner are up for a menage a trois, you might get away with it. Otherwise, you can kiss off your relationship. Leave post haste with whatever dignity you might have left.
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